Impression Management
When I first heard the phrase “impression management” from Dallas Willard, I knew what he meant. He was talking about how we try to make others think we’re smarter than we are, younger than we are, funnier than we are. While I thought I didn’t care what people thought of me, I found that I did try to do those things listed above. Letting go of impression management schemes has brought me great freedom to simply love others instead of being concerned about what they thought of me. So I was excited to use his idea writing The Scandal of the Kingdom Workbook, which helps individuals and groups process and apply ideas from The Scandal of the Kingdom. Here’s some of what I wrote:
“Impression management” involves arranging our words, actions, and outward appearance to create the image we want to project to others. For example, the Pharisees used loud “greetings in the marketplace,” trying to “one up” others with all sorts of clever compliments and phraseology to reflect glory on themselves. They sat in the highest seats in the synagogue so everyone would notice them.
Jesus didn’t live in this bondage of trying to impress people. He could say difficult but helpful things to people because he wasn’t concerned with being honored and even liked. He even told a crowd: “I do not accept glory from human beings” (John 5:44, NIV). He lived to an Audience of One (God), which “is immensely simple: everything we do in life we do before God alone and to the glory of God alone and with a view to pleasing God alone—the audience of One.” We walk through life with nothing to prove and no one to impress. To do this requires that we seek God’s help, God’s grace, even God’s empowerment in rooting out any desire to be honored of people. As our concern for managing our image fades, our connection with God becomes more vibrant, active and determined.
Such a connection develops through ongoing practices that shape the inner dimensions of life. These disciplines for life in the Spirit enable are a means of transforming our habits (what we are ready to do without thinking) into godly character. A few that are especially helpful with impression management are the following:
- Simplicity of Speech: “fewness and fullness of words” (See Nov 2024 wisbit.)
- Solitude and Silence: Being alone in quiet without speaking.
- Secrecy: Not letting one’s good deeds be known, but rejoicing with the Audience of One.
- Fasting: Abstaining from food(s) or activities to affirm the Word of God and its adequacy to our body. This is not just skipping meals or activities but devoting time to interacting with God.
- Worship: Focusing on God’s goodness and relishing what God does.
- Learning Scripture by Heart: Memorizing and meditating on passages, such as 1 Corinthians 13, Colossians 3:1-17 or John 15 so that they restructure our thoughts and feelings, spreading to our whole life.
As with all spiritual practices, we start small and ask the Spirit to guide us. We understand they’re not about performance, but about connecting with God more deeply.
Grace and peace,
Jan
[1] Richard Foster “Perspectives” Vol. 4, No. 2, April 1994
