Surrendering My Crutch
When difficulties come – financial hard times, challenging people at work, family or friendship troubles, sickness or depression – we use all kinds of things to manage our discomfort. We may work too much or spend too much. Or we try to control people and situations or win certain people’s love or approval. But today’s most frequent pain manager is eating. Whether it’s eating a favorite food made a certain way or indulging in chocolate or sweets, eating is our culture’s drug of choice.
Dealing with any “feel good” crutch is not as simple as “Just say no.” We don’t stop depending on it unless we look within, examine our discomfort, and begin a process to invite God to heal it. Often this involves looking at how and why we’re convinced that we’re inadequate, overlooked, or unappreciated. Such healing from these inner wounds reaps enormous rewards by making us more willing and able to trust God. But it isn’t a one-time experience. It involves coming to God daily (sometimes minute-by-minute) to surrender our needs and distorted thinking so we can make better choices. I tried to help myself and others do this many years ago when I wrote Surrendering Hunger. It is now back in print and here are two devotions from this new edition, which I’m praying will create inner healing and help people make better choices about eating.
Day 111
Fear of Abandonment
Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. —psalm 22:11
One of my greatest fears is that the people I love will leave me – that they will die or get tired of me. I have been afraid that a time will come when there will be no one to help me. It may happen because I alienate people or because I’m not interesting enough to love. Will I survive? Will I be alone in this world?
I see now that this fear has tainted my actions. It has made me a people pleaser – so concerned about doing and being for others that I have little idea of what I want or what God wants.
As I’m learning who I am to God and sense my purpose here on earth, I feel more secure. That carries me through moments in which it seems that no one comes to help.
God, help me surrender my great fear of abandonment to you.
Abandonment itself can be endured; the fear of it makes me live in panic.
Day 29
What Humility Isn’t
Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth. —numbers 12:3
Humility helps us surrender to God. but what does humility mean?
Does it mean I can’t make decisions? No, Moses decided (with God’s direction) to lead a nation out of slavery.
Does it mean I never feel anger? No, Moses was angry when the Israelites worshiped a golden calf.
Does it mean I’m always afraid – or never afraid? Neither. Moses was reluctant to lead the Israelites, but he did it after he was convinced that God would supply the power.
Humility means that I let God be in charge of public relations. I don’t have to impress anyone or compare myself to anyone to feel better about myself. I can be me and trust God take care of the rest.
God, I give you my worries about how I look and who likes me.
Humility means self-forgetfulness instead of self-obsession.
Grace and peace,
Jan Johnson
www.JanJohnson.org
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